Saturday, June 20, 2015

Father's Day

Last year for Father's Day, Ames asked me what I wanted to do. She offered the usual suggestions, and then added, "You could just do nothing."  What an incredibly great suggestion!

So last year for Father's Day, I was given a day of absolutely nothing to do. I sat on the couch, ordered a pizza, washed it down with some beer, and watched kung fu movies. The family was welcome to watch the movies with me, but not to make comments.  I got to watch Tony Jaa and Jet Li thrash bozos without anyone pointing out how unrealistic it was. It was the best Father's Day ever.

And no joke: every man who has been told about my Father's Day celebrations has gotten a look of longing in his eyes and a sort of catch in his voice when he then told me that people took him out for brunch. They have seen what the perfect Father's Day could be, and they'll never want to waste another on brunch.

I've found myself compiling a list of mindless action films to watch on Father's Day this year. Father's Day might just have displaced Thanksgiving as my favourite day of the year.

I'm so thankful I'm married to a woman who gets it.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Big new Grill

In December of 2006 I bought an exciting grill. It is a beautiful grill, but its innards are all cast iron, and cast iron does better in North Carolina than it does in Washington State. We brought that lovely grill out here in 2008, and it's been rusting ever since. It's gone from looking like this:
to looking more like this:
For the past few years, I've been wondering whether the solution to the Great Northwest Grill Dilemna is to buy a ceramic grill. When I was researching our current grill, I spent quite a bit of time studying on the Big Green Egg, although I found myself more drawn to some of the more esoteric kamado offerings (Komodo Kamado anyone?). I've been really fascinated by the whole kamado concept, and I think Ames was almost as curious as I.

So a couple weeks ago, when Ames and I realized it was time to get a replacement grill, there was a reasonably clear path forward.

Of course we did our research: we looked at the various kamado offerings, I pored over websites and blogs and product reviews. And in the end, we settled on the Kamado Joe. Of course I was going to just drop everything and head out to shop that night, but Ames did some research of her own, and found out when the Kamado Road Show would be coming to the local Costco.  In the end, we met the Kamado Joe guy at the Costco shortly after he opened shop, and he was already starting to run low on stock. It took me all of a minute to decide that what I really needed was the Big Joe, and next thing I knew, I was pushing one through the Costco.

But you don't care about my story. What you want to know is how the Joe works, whether it's pretty, and whether I've joined a cult.

We set up the Joe Friday night, with the help of a good friend who was willing to come wrestle a 250 lb grill out of the truck at a moment's notice.

The next morning I decided to put it through its paces.

To start, I took the thermometer out of the Joe and put it in boiling water. Yep, it read 210°F. That wasn't good enough for me: I spent several minutes adjusting it (and burning my fingers) before getting it back to 210°F. This time I was smart enough to leave it alone.

Next it was time to put some charcoal in it and see what it would do. The Joe has a grate in the bottom of the "firebox" that appears to be cast iron:
I took a charcoal chimney full of briquettes, put about a third of them into the grill, and lit the other two thirds. Once they got more or less lit, I dumped them into the grill, shut the lid, threw open the top and bottom vents, and started the stop watch.

The thermometer I had so carefully calibrated in boiling water was reading 500°F in ten minutes. Then I closed both the bottom and top vents and gave it a while. The fire went out, the charcoal got cold, and I had about half the charcoal left, ready for the next burn. You heard that right, this is a charcoal grill you can turn off! How awesome is that?

The first real cook was pizza; it was not successful. I made three errors:

  1. the dough was too wet
  2. I put in the pizza stone too early 
  3. I used briquettes.

The next night we tried again,  and it turned out well.  This time I lit the grill and let it get up around 500°F before putting in the pizza stone, then I let it continue to heat until it hit 700°F.

Although I didn't get a photo, the temperature was actually at 800° when I put in the first pizza.

The thicker pizza dough did the trick: the pies were sliding right off the peel and onto the stone.

Pizza cooks pretty quickly at 700° to 800°F. I didn't actually time them, but they were definitely cooking in less than ten minutes.

I used the Weber pizza stone my wife bought me many years ago: Apparently there is a Kamado Joe Pizza stone for this grill, but I haven't actually got one. The Weber is working well enough for now.

One problem I've had in the past with grilling pizza has been getting the top and bottom of the pies to done at the same time.  It's really easy to get a raw top and a burnt bottom. The ceramic grill works wonders: the pizza is done evenly top and bottom.

The thicker dough definitely rose into a nice crust. It was a little thicker than I like, but it was definitely a nice looking slice of pie!

It's true that pizza isn't the main reason I bought a new grill, but I've been excited to see how it works. I have to say, it was everything I hoped it could be.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014


Is dark and rainy on my trip into work. I love fall!

Friday, September 5, 2014

Cheese pizza

It's National Cheese Pizza Day. Seriously, I didn't even know that's a thing.

We're celebrating.

Saturday, August 16, 2014


I anthropomorphize things all the time. I like to think it makes them feel loved.

Monday, August 11, 2014


Today I walked into a very hip neighborhood in Seattle to run an errand for my lovely wife. I was wearing the shirt Shan gave me.

(C'mon, I am rocking that double chin!)

I noticed a woman was looking at me. At first I thought, "I wonder why a pretty woman like that is looking at me." Then I realized she was staring at my shirt.

She was probably revolted by the idea that I would actually advertise that I eat the flesh of our animal brothers.

If I die in an act of eco-terrorism, you'll know why.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Trailer Park Gourmet: Jimmy Mac

Several weeks ago we invited some friends over for Sunday morning breakfast. As we sat eating sausage gravy and biscuits, I was struck with the realization that combining sausage gravy with macaroni and cheese would produce something amazing. We tried it, and it was as incredible as we had anticipated. We call it "Jimmy Mac", it's basically macaroni and cheese, but instead of a white sauce, we use sausage gravy.

We made it again this morning, and I took pictures so that others could vicariously enjoy it.

If you haven't made sausage gravy, it's not that hard. Here's how I make it:

  1. Take some sausage (patties, not links), crumble it, and brown it. I like to get it to a mahogany color, but this morning I just got it to "brown".
  2. Once the sausage is browned, scoop it out of the pan.
  3. Next you need to make a roux. Don't clean the pan! Take equal parts butter and flour (this morning I used 1/2 Cup of each). Put the butter in the pan and melt it completely. Once the butter is completely melted, whisk the flour into it. Once the butter-flour mixture starts to darken, it's time to add liquid.
  4. Slowly stir milk into the butter-flour mixture. If you just intend to pour amazing gravy over biscuits, you can make it pretty thick: but if you want to make Jimmy Mac, you'll want a thinner gravy. I add about 1/2 Cup of milk at a time, and whisk it in until it's completely smooth. The end result is a creamy, silky-smooth sauce.
  5. Once the gravy hits the right consistency, put some (or all) of the browned sausage back into the gravy and stir it all together.
At this point you have sausage gravy.

But since we intend to make Jimmy Mac, it's time to doctor the sausage gravy a bit:

  1. This morning I took a few handfuls of shredded cheddar and stirred them in:
    I whisked those in until I had a smooth cheese sauce, with chunks of sausage in it.
  2. We boiled about a pound of rotini and slowly added it to the cheese sauce:
  3. Once that's all mixed together, we put it into the crock pot (we were making this for a church potluck), and put a handful or two of shredded cheddar over the top:

So that's it: the marriage of sausage gravy with macaroni and cheese. Probably the most redneck food that's ever been eaten.